Six A’s of Positive Parenting

Last week we had our first class on “Parenting Teens for the Real World,” and about fifty people came. Due to the long weekend, we didn’t really have a full class, and I was hoping that this class would be smaller than the last as we will be having small group discussions to help with retention and reflection. However, if you feel like you want to attend this quarter, that is perfectly fine with me. I appreciate your dedication and enthusiasm. Somehow we will make this work as we have the whole portable building to ourselves.

If you weren’t here last week, we discussed some real world statistics and the characteristics of teens. Our goal is to understand and identify with the struggles facing our teens today, and learn to love them in a healthy way so as to build intimate relationship. We sent home with everyone the handout for this week as reading assignment. The topic for Sunday will be “Physical Development of Teens.”

I will introduce to you the coworkers of the PSP (Parent Supporting Parents) team this Sunday, as well as the ladies who helped with translating the course. Hope to see everyone there!

I just wanted to take this time to thank all the parents who have been attending this parenting class faithfully for the past three months. Your participation and support are the reasons why I’m still teaching, and words cannot express what a source of inspiration you have been to me. If what I’ve taught in the class has promoted healthier and closer relationship between you and your child, and a more fun and fulfilling family life, then my mission is accomplished.

Tomorrow we will wrap up the class with more discussion on the principles of Discipline without Stress. I would also like to share Josh McDowell’s testimony with you all. I met him in person many years ago when he gave a talk at the Great Hills Baptist Church. He even autographed my book. The Josh McDowell Ministry is very active in China, and his 6A’s in parenting is making a difference. Praise God.

My summer vacation officially started yesterday. Even though I feel exhausted at this moment, I’m looking forward to a relaxing and productive summer, with plans for short trips as well as curriculum development on a course on parenting teens, and maybe another one on communication. I also look forward to mentoring a group of ladies from different fellowships, who will eventually serve as counselors for their respective groups. I will keep you in touch with this website, and please also keep in touch with us by posting questions and sharing ideas on the forum. I wish you all a wonderful summer!

We discussed the importance of discipline during class last week. Discipline provides boundaries, and kids derive security from knowing where the boundaries are and who’s available to enforce them. Research has proved that a disciplined kid has high self-esteem as he/she learns from the parents the importance of responsibility and sound decision making. These are the ingredients of a productive life.

Discipline that invites reflection and cooperation requires effective communication skills. Discipline that strips a kid of his dignity and sense of control only invites rebellious attitude and hostility. Discipline approaches that rely heavily on blaming and accusing, name-calling, threats, lecturing and moralizing, comparision, sarcasm, and martydom statements will only produce strong aversive reaction from children. Last week a parent shared with me the response from her five year old child after she had disciplined him. ” Mom, how would you feel if I talked to you the same way if you had made a mistake?” You can tell that our children will keep us accountable.

We will continue to discuss the second principle of Discipline without Stress this week. Look forward to seeing you Sunday.

I thank God every time I sign onto this website. It seems like yesterday when I expressed the desire for a website for exchanging ideas on parenting as well as serving the needs of parents. Now it has become a reality, and I am grateful for this gift. Please feel free to post questions as well as share information. This website is for YOU.

Five years ago I was invited by a mission organization in Beijing to teach the course I developed from Josh McDowell’s book, ” How to be a Hero to Your Kids.” Since then, the book has been translated into Chinese, and the 6 A’s course has been taught in different formats all over China. It is a humbling experience, seeing how God can use ordinary people like you and me to further His Kingdom.

The word ‘discipline’ often brings grimaces to the faces of parents. Being parents can be as stressful and frustrating as it is rewarding and joyful. Are there effective ways of discipline that will reduce stress for both parents and child? Are there ways that would help the child learn to accept responsibilities and make good choices? How shall we as parents teach skills that will promote healthy living?

We will provide answers to these questions in the last few classes.

Hi Parents,

So how’s your week? Have you had enough time to attend to what is important, instead of what is urgent? Things like relationship, planning, professional development, and even exercise are all important, but not urgent. It’s so easy to put these aside and attend to the urgent but unimportant things that consume us.

One of my favorite books in management is ” Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen Covey. If you liked what I presented in class on time management, you will be inspired by what Covey has to say in the book.

This week I will be available again from 1-2pm at the John Sung Building, answering some of the questions you may have. Last week six parents came, and I was very encouraged by the feedback that they gave me. One parent related how her relationship with her daughter has greatly improved due to the acceptance she has demonstrated in their interactions. Another parent shared the struggles that she has with herself in applying the principles. I was greatly moved by their sincerity and effort, and I know these parents will make a difference in their children’s lives.

I also wanted to share a great news with you! A kind and generous friend ( who wants to remain anonymous) has designed and hosted a website for me and you. I’m so thankful and excited! In the very near future, we will have a forum to exchange ideas on parenting, and it will be a great tool for me to serve the parents. You will be contacted when everything is set to go in the next few weeks. Praise God!

There’s only four classes left, and I would like to devote them all on the issues of discipline. If you have any particular questions you wanted to ask on this topic, you can write them on a piece of paper and give to me at the end of class. I’ll try to address them in the next class if time allows. Thanks.

Hi Parents,

How is everyone doing? Hope you’re not too upset about this wet and humid weather that we’ve been having! There is storm in the forecast for this evening, but the sun will eventually peek out later this week!

We’ve finally completed the foundation of the house, working hard for the past eight weeks! Starting next week, we’ll be hammering the roof – Accountability and Authority. Remember a house is as good as its foundation, as it is portrayed in Luke 6:48: “…like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid a foundation upon the rock; and when a flood rose, the torrent burst against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.”

With LOVE we build a strong foundation for our family, withstanding the test of worldly values, temptations, and trials. LOVE starts with Acceptance that is the builder of security and self-worth, then upon it Appreciation, the key to feeling significant. Affection nourishes the soul and Availability offers T-I-M-E as an ingredient of love. But a house is not a home without the roof, so in the next few weeks we’ll learn how to put a firm, sturdy roof together. With a strong foundation supporting the roof, this house is completed. 

We had a meeting with some deacons last sunday, brainstorming ideas how to support our parents in the pursuit of a healthy family on a continuous basis. Some ideas were considered, and we’ll finalize them before the end of the course. In the meantime, some are concerned that few people have had the chance to ask questions during class time. So I am offering the next two sundays after church, at 1-2 in the afternoon, to meet with parents at the John Sung Building ( across the bridge where the English congregation meets) to answer some questions that you may have concerning parenting. Please pass the word around, and attend if you so please.

I also would encourage you to bring your name tag to class, if your fellowship already has one for you. In this way, we can all get to know each other better. I do apologize that I haven’t been able to greet everyone individually. Being such a visual learner, a name tag will help me associate names with faces and to eventually get to know you personally. Thanks for your consideration.

Hi Parents,

The week passed by so quickly that I just realized today is not thursday, but friday. Time flies! And that’s the topic we’re going to discuss in sunday school this week, TIME. I look forward to sharing this topic with you.

Did you all have an occasion to share what you’ve learned in class with your children this week? I do hope that you are using your listening skill to show your children that they are understood and accepted. Please share your success story with us in class.

This has been a difficult week for our nation. The tragedy at Virgina Tech shook us to the core, and as we are still struggling to make some sense out of this senseless killing, another incident took place near Houston. In the midst of so much suffering among affected families over the death of their loved ones, I believe that a loving God is in control, and positive changes will take place in this nation that we called home.

I look forward to seeing you on Sunday.

Hi Parents,

Hope you’re having a good week so far!

Six weeks have gone by since the first day of Sunday School, and I have enjoyed every moment I had with all of you. I appreciate your enthusiasm, participation, and encouragement. I hope you’re enjoying the class as much as I do.

You all know that public schools are having the high-stake TAKS test this coming week. I’m sure your child’s teachers have been talking to you about getting him ready. If your child is stressed out about this coming test, make sure you assure him/her that trying his/her best is all you expected. This will be a good time for you to apply what you’ve learned in this class.

The book I introduced last week is ” The 5 Love Needs of Men and Women” by Gary & Barbara Rosberg. I love this book because it provides both a man’s point of view as well as a woman’s on some popular topics.

This coming sunday school we’ll be discussing effective communication skills with our children. Good communication skills all boil down to good listening skills, a skill that I’ll never arrive. Due to time constraint, we’ll focus on one area: how to show empathy and understanding to our children so they will continue talking to you. How to talk so they will listen and how to listen so they will talk are important lessons in communication. I look forward to an interactive lesson with you!

Hi Parents,

” Like apples of gold in settings of silver, is a word spoken in right circumstances.” Proverbs 25:11 (NIV)

This aptly describes words of appreciation that are spoken from the heart, given at the right moment, and offered encouragement to the listener.

Flattery is insincere praise that is meant to manipulate. Unless our children are absolutely sure that we accept them unconditionally, praise and appreciation can be perceived as manipulations. That’s why appreciation must be built upon acceptance.

The concept of acceptance and appreciation are challenging to us. For those of us who have never received these gifts from our own parents, it seems beyond our power to bestow upon our children. I would suggest that we apply these concepts in small increments, and take it one day at a time. Before we try words of praise, why don’t we start with reducing negative comments we heap upon our children? If we have problem uttering phrases of appreciation, why don’t we start with a smile? These are all attainable goals that we can set on a daily basis. Acceptance and appreciation are always choices, and I hope you will make that choice daily.

During book talk, I introduced you to a book by Spencer Johnson, ” Who Moved My Cheese?” Making changes in our life are always uncomfortable and scary. This easy-to-read book will show you how to embrace and welcome change. Hope this will inspire as well as amuse you.

Your homework for this week is to find and ‘catch’ opportunities to offer words of encouragement to your children. Use descriptive praises so they know what they have done right. Do this consistently so it will get easier for you.

Here is a bible verse that reminds us of positive self-talk.

” …whatever is right, whatever is of good repute, if there is

  excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell

  on these things.”  Philipians 4:8

Hi Parents,

Thanks for coming to today’s sunday school class. While today’s lesson is still fresh in your mind, please jot down a few questions you would like to ask concerning today’s lesson on your notebook and bring them to class next week. We will have a short review of what we’ve learned as well as Q & A before we proceed to the next lesson.

Here’s a quote by Nathaniel Branden, the authority on self-esteem, for you to ponder.

” There is no value judgment more important to man, no factor more decisive in his psychological development and motivation – than the estimate he passes on himself … The nature of his self-evaluation has profound effects on a man’s thinking processes, emotions, desire, values and goals.It is the single most significant key to his behavior.”

            Nathaniel Branden

            The Psychology of Self Esteem